In Setting Press Releases

High Water Defence System Completed

Dublin, 2059.181.1700 (Thu 17 Oct). Today the official opening ceremony for the Thunberg High Water Defence system was held at the Arrhenius control center in Béal an Mhuirthead in County Mayo, Ireland. This marks the final part of thirty years of work constructing the system.

The Thunberg High Water Defence System (THiWaDeS) is a comprehensive system that includes measures to protect everything from northern Norway to Gibraltar against high water levels. The system is designed to protect Europe from climate change related flooding.

Prof. Dr. Greta Thunberg (56) cut the ceremonial ribbon. “This incredible system is the greatest monument to failure that humanity has ever constructed. If our so-called leaders were capable of responding adequately, I wouldn’t need to be here,” said Thunberg in her speech. Thunberg’s presence at the event, as well as naming the system after her, was controversial. The decision was simultaneously heavily criticised and widely lauded, showing that the subject of climate change on Earth is as divisive as ever.

Decreases in Earth’s population and moving major industry off planet have led to falling emissions in the past decades. There is a scientific consensus that emissions fell to sustainable levels around 2055, though the massive excess of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere may take more than a millennium to reach pre-industrial revolution levels unless the limited carbon capture capacity is dramatically increased.

‘Space’ Dating Starts Today

Brussels, 2055.001.0000 (Fri 1 Jan). The ETSI (European Telecommunications Standards Institute) issued an official statement that the new dating system announced last year went into effect at one second past midnight this morning.

The new dating system has been adopted throughout the European Union and the PRC and USA have indicated they will also be adopting the new system. EU President Bonino stated, “The new dating system is less Earth-centric. Months are tied to times of year that are mainly valuable on Earth. It’s time to recognise that all of us – on whichever EU territory, on whichever planet are all in the same Union and we need a dating system that reflects that. Time of year isn’t useful in space, or on a planet that’s out of sync with Earth’s rotation.”

The system is also a simplification in many ways. It starts with the year, followed by the day number and then the hour and minute numbers. It can also be extended with seconds.

As an example: 11 O’clock in the morning on the 10th of May 2050. May covers days 120 to 151 (or 121 to 152 in a leap year). 2050 wasn’t a leap year so this date becomes 2050.130.1100 in the new system.

This is an in setting press release for Total War. It is not real.

Gene Therapy for Military Personnel

Brussels, 2054.210.0900, (Wed 29 July). The Defence Commissioner’s office issued a statement today that as of 2054.244.0900, (Tue 1 Sep) all ‘critical’ military personnel will begin receiving Gene Treatment using the Mendel-7 process that was developed at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm.

“The treatment is intended to reduce susceptibility to cosmic radiation, improve muscle tone, increase resistance to hibernation related complications and arrest aging at a physical peak equivalent to around 20 years of age,” according to Professor Dr. Diana Stolberg (58) of the Karolinska Institute. According to Stolberg, other blanket or even specific gene modifications may be added at the request of the military. She suggests things like improved reflexes and peripheral vision are being researched for pilots as well as a number of classified programs. Stolberg is an internationally celebrated, Nobel prize winning geneticist who has recently wholly been absolved of any wrongdoing around the illegal treatment of one or more ultra rich individuals in Paris in the late 2020’s.

Critics have pointed out that the long term effects of the treatment cannot yet be adequately investigated because none who have received the treatment since the first time it was succesfully applied in 2032 have lived with the modified genes long enough to draw scientifically valid conclusions. Additionally, there is the matter of military personnel not wanting to undergo the treatment on religious or conscientious grounds for which the military is currently offering no exemption.

This is an in setting press release for Total War. It is not real.

Success! The EU Finally Discovers Wormhole!

Brussels, 2051.062.0900, (3 March). The Defence Commissioner’s office issued a statement today confirming that the EU has discovered and claimed a wormhole leading out of Sol system. Further details are scarce, but there are unconfirmed reports from Chinese sources that military action was taken by the EU Navy to consolidate the claim against encroachment by the PRC.

The EU is in an uproar as after years of search and hundreds of billions of euro’s invested, the effort to find wormhole as finally achieved success. In parliament, motions have been entered to name the newly discovered system Europa though a statement by the Foreign Commissioner urged patience while the system beyond is scanned for planets in the habitable zone. This is the sixth wormhole that has been discovered leading out of the Sol system. Professor Frances Delaert of Dresden University stated that “each new wormhole discovery causes physicists and astronomers to scratch their heads harder – so many stable wormholes shouldn’t exist according to any current model of the universe.”

Despite the seeming impossibility of the discovery, Commissioners have been keen to take credit for sticking with the policy to continue funding the ESA and EU Navy efforts to find wormholes. There is a shadow over the whole affair however, as some amateur astronomers have reported what appeared to be nuclear explosions in the part of the Solar System where the wormhole is assumed to have been found.

While what exactly happened may become more clear in the coming days and weeks, it’s certain that the balance of power among humanity will shift if the EU manages to consolidate its claim.

This is an in setting press release for Total War. It is not real.

Breaking News: USA Discovers another wormhole!

Washington DC, 2049.297.0338 (24 October). The United States State Department announced today that NASA, supported by the US Navy, has discovered and claimed yet another wormhole leading out of the Sol System.

NASA states adjoining system hosts several planets in the habitable zone. An unnamed senior US Navy source claimed that there were definitely planets that looked like they were habitable for humans, calling the system “prime real estate”. This is the fifth wormhole that the USA has discovered in the Solar System. An official stated the system on the far side of the wormhole has been named “Independence”. Reactions from the EU and the PRC are best described as lukewarm. Both entities released statements reiterating the need for a proper distribution of wormhole access among Earth’s major powers and called for the USA to relinquish control of the wormhole to the United Nations.

This is an in setting press release for Total War. It is not real.